Ray Sullivan SciFi Zone: Da Dan Brown Code

Chapter Thirty Nine

Bradford slid the window back open. Bubbles spilled out of the space, followed by the spirit of Michael Jackson.

‘So, what do you want?’ asked Bradford.

‘The name of the Last Simple,’ replied Cardinal Ringaringaroses. Bradford was stunned. Cardinal Ringaringaroses turned angrily to Lord Bartholomew, who had just finished signing the form for the delivery. His Lordship put the Taser away sheepishly as the postie left the building and picked his paper up again. Cardinal Ringaringaroses turned back to Bradford, who’d stopped shuddering.

‘From the convention in 1783, last referred to in Chapter six?’ Bradford asked.

‘And chapter Thirty Six,’ interjected Lord Bartholomew, putting his paper down one last time. ‘I’m finished with this paper; it’s useless, lazy and good for nothing. It will never do any good.’

‘But the Last Simple is symbolic of an event that can never happen. There will always be another Simple, as long as footballers are allowed to breed with pop stars,’ said Bradford, slamming the window cover shut.

‘Then you will drown,’ laughed the Cardinal. Bradford slammed the window open again, laughing back.

‘No I won’t, I’ve pulled the plug out with my foot,’ he said. ‘So you have no hold over me.’

‘So, what do you want?’ asked the Cardinal, removing the lid and borrowing an italic he found lying around. Bradford wasn’t swayed, not by an untruthful italic.

‘Well, my fee, obviously,’ he said. ‘And a cut of Lady Bartholomew’s inheritance wouldn’t go amiss,’ he added, getting out of the bath.

‘Are you asking for her hand?’ asked Lord Bartholomew. Bradford hesitated; it wasn’t the body part he’d been thinking about. Just then, another cart shot into the room, with Lady Bartholomew inside.

‘Kylie!’ exclaimed Lord Bartholomew.

‘Daddy, are those nipple clamps for me?’ asked Lady Bartholomew as Cardinal Ringaringaroses dragged her out of the cart.

‘If you won’t co-operate for yourself, perhaps you will for her,’ spat the Cardinal. Bradford saw red, mainly in the Cardinal’s cassock, but also in the splatter on the wall.

‘Why do you need the name?’ he asked, stalling to see if he could get away with uncheckable academic bullshit. Students were easy, homicidal clerics could be a touch more difficult.

‘I’m not difficult,’ stated the Cardinal, ‘I just like to get my own way.’ Then he pulled out the DVD Lord Bartholomew had prepared for him. ‘This software will give me access to the British Defence Network, utilising the Tower above us to broadcast over every other aerial used by the military. Once I load this DVD I will be able to direct any asset in the Defence Network at any target I want. I will have, at most, sixty seconds before my intrusion is spotted and closed down, so I need to know I have all the codes ready before I start. As long as I get those codes in within sixty seconds, I can’t be stopped.’

‘What’s the target?’ asked Bradford.

‘The whole library system,’ said Lord Bartholomew. ‘Every library ranging from the British Library in London to the smallest provincial library, covering the length and breadth of Britain. They’ll all be taken out in a massive missile burst.’

‘Can I get this straight?’ queried Bradford, ‘your plan is to close down the British Library system in one hit?’ The Cardinal gloated.

‘It’s my master plan, my destiny’ he said.

‘Have you not been following the Coalition Government in the newspapers?’ asked Bradford. ‘If this story continues for two or more chapters, they’ll have done that for you. You’d better be quick.’

‘Then you must tell me the name of the Last Simple, and do it quickly, or she dies,’ the Cardinal shouted.

‘I can do that, Cardinal, but I must warn you that the revelation is almost certainly going to trigger the end of the chapter. That will leave you with only one chapter left before events overtake you.’ The Cardinal’s eyes narrowed briefly, mainly because he was wearing narrow briefs.

‘He’s right,’ said Lord Bartholomew. You need to start accessing the Defence Network before the revelation; otherwise you’ll have no slack for the final, destructive ending.' Cardinal Ringaringaroses huffed before walking over to a PC with the DVD. He slipped it into the drive and immediately the screen switched to the UK Defence Network screen.

‘Network loading....’ appeared on the screen. ‘Fifty-eight seconds until detection and either the total annihilation of the British Library system or complete failure of the project.’

‘I put that in, nice touch, eh?’ said Lord Bartholomew as a new screen opened up with a button in the middle.

‘Fifty seconds left,’ stated the countdown. The button had the legend ‘Push To Enter Really Secret Code’. Cardinal Ringaringaroses moved the mouse on the desktop, then threw the cheese it had been eating onto the floor. Then he moved the pointer over the button.

‘I’ll need that name now,’ he said, pushing the button.

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