Books written by Ray Sullivan

Wednesday, 4 April 2012

Project: Evil - The Consultant Meeting part 1

‘I don’t understand this expense report,’ said Daw, holding the sheet of paper up.  ‘The bus fares are OK, but I thought public transport was exempt the Congestion Charge.’
‘It wasn’t a scheduled service,’ explained Brian, looking at the EVIL Officer who’d refused to pay his expenses as he thought they were suspect.  The bus being a total write-off raised a few eyebrows, but O’Feld had given it the green light when Brian explained he’d stolen it.  He’d had to lie about how he’d come to be stuck on the south coast without any transport and as he wasn’t a very good liar it had appeared obvious to all that there was very little truth in his story.  As a rule, that was sufficient grounds for signing off a suspicious expense claim, but the EVIL Officer was just starting to find his feet – Brian had arranged for a henchman to practise his chainsaw techniques on the EVIL Officer a couple of months previously when he’d first interfered with Brian’s budget, and the EVIL Officer had only just returned from sick leave as a result.
‘How are the prosthetic feet?’ asked Brian.
‘The feet are fine,’ answered the EVIL Officer frostily, ‘but I’m having difficulty in obtaining a blue disabled parking pass.  A second one prepared for me has just gone missing from the forgery department. I’m beginning to think we may have a thief in this organisation,’ he fumed. 
‘No shit?’ asked O’Feld, bored with the conversation.  More importantly he was reconsidering the wisdom of appointing an EVIL Officer to oversee the finances of the project.  Since the man had returned from his sick leave – the first employee to actually have been sick during such an absence – there hadn’t been a single penny misspent, every expenditure was absolutely accounted for; which was a bit of a problem for O’Feld as he habitually siphoned cash out of the project into his personal bank account.
‘So, Brian, who is this consultant you want us to employ?’ he asked, terminating the discussion about expenses by taking the sheets off Daw and signing them himself.  If Brian had realised it was going to be that easy he’d have slipped a couple of latte’s and some gold bullion on.
‘Doctor Froshdu,’ he replied.  ‘He’s the lead expert in deploying animal body parts into low Earth orbit,’ he explained.
‘So, bring him on board, I’ll get Daw to prepare the NDA,’ O’Feld said, referring to the company Non-Disclosure Agreement, a standard document that effectively says that if you don’t disclose, O’Feld Industries won’t take you apart, body part by body part without anaesthetic. Occasionally O’Feld Industries stood by their side of the agreement, but not often.
‘There’s a problem,’ said Brian, shuffling on his seat.  ‘He won’t work for an evil Megalomaniac organisation, on principle.’  Daw leant forward.
‘Which principle?’ he asked.  Brian shrugged.
‘Pick any you like, as we don’t have any, he feels he can’t work for us.’
‘Can’t he be persuaded?’ asked O’Feld, giving Daw the nod.  Daw picked up the phone and started to dial.
‘He says not,’ answered Brian, looking across to Daw, who cupped his hand over the mouthpiece.
‘I took the liberty of pre-empting your request.  He’s being picked up right now.  You never mentioned he’s morbidly obese, I’ve got two henchmen with an industrial injury claim headed my way,’ Daw said, returning to his call.
‘He’ll be accommodated on the lower, lower floor, in about half an hour,’ said O’Feld.
‘Is that the ground floor?’ asked Brian.
‘No, it’s below the ground floor,’ said O’Feld, ready to move on.
‘So, the basement?’ asked Brian.  O’Feld shrugged a little.
‘Kind of below the basement,’ he answered.  Daw put the phone down.
‘He means the dungeon. Your consultant will be there soon.’

The characters, companies and places referred to in Project: Evil are fictitious and any resemblance to people, companies, businesses or places is entirely coincidental

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