Books written by Ray Sullivan

Wednesday, 25 July 2012

Project: Evil – The Project Close Out Meeting part 1

Project: Evil – The Project Close Out Meeting part 1

‘So, what the hell’s a plus/delta meeting when it’s at home?’ asked O’Feld.  Brian flicked through the PRINCE2 manual for assistance in answering the question.
‘It’s where we review the project and identify what went well – that is, what we would repeat on the next project – and what we would change next time around,’ he paraphrased.  Brian was a little hesitant as he’d only found the last chapter in the manual because he’d ended up with a bit more reading time lately.  He held the book up in his left hand while holding onto his cell bars with the other as he read the pertinent explanation out.
‘Well, I’d avoid being thrown into gaol next time,’ suggested Daw from his cell.
‘He’s just sore because we don’t need a HR manager inside,’ goaded O’Feld.  ‘It’s not like he can run a recruitment campaign in here,’ he added.
‘Au contraire,’ replied Daw, ‘this is the perfect location for recruitment.  It’s applying the various policies that are proving difficult.  I can hardly fire someone for timekeeping when they’re in a cell, can I?’ he asked.
‘You can’t fire anyone, seeing as they removed all our side arms,’ pointed out O’Feld. ‘So, Brian, what is it you need from this meeting?’
‘Well, let’s start with what went well,’ he suggested, looking up and down the corridor as far as the cell bars would allow.  He thought he saw tumbleweed at one point, so he decided to move the meeting on. ‘OK, let’s park that thought for now, what could we have done better?’ he asked, pushed back to the far wall by the pressure of sound that greeted his question.  ‘OK, OK, I get you’re not altogether happy with the result, but without a rational evaluation of how we performed, we’re doomed to end up here again,’ he said, surprised that the noise had subsided.
‘We could have more warning klaxons,’ suggested one voice from down the corridor.  Brian scraped a matrix on his cell wall to make notes on.  Using a nail he’d removed from his chair he scratched that suggestion down.
‘Anything else?’ he asked public sector man.  Froshdu coughed to get Brian’s notice.
‘How about more food?’ he asked.  Brian thought that was a given, but he scratched it up anyway.  Froshdu wasn’t finished.  ‘I meant in here,’ he said.  O’Feld jumped in.
‘Stop moaning, we all have to put up with being in gaol,’ he grumbled.
‘But at least you get conjugal rights,’ replied Froshdu.
‘Only because Mrs O’Feld is so useful as a mouse catcher,’ responded O’Feld defensively.
‘How about we don’t build in a self destruct function that can be triggered easily?’ asked one of the engineers.  Brian hovered over the matrix to see if there was general support for the idea, but lowered his hand when it was clear nobody took it seriously.
‘Well, at least let’s get the colour schemes sorted from the start of the project in future,’ suggested another engineer.  Brian found himself scratching that suggestion down immediately.
‘For God’s sake Brian,’ shouted O’Feld, ‘I’m sure this is all very correct, but couldn’t we carry it out once we get out of here?’ he asked. ‘I’d like to propose we start a new project right now, to escape from this hell hole,’ he vented.  Brian bristled.
‘If that’s what you want, then fine, but I must warn you we’re likely to end up making the same mistakes all over again if we don’t carry out this activity,’ he warned.  It sounded like improbable bullshit, but then again everything else in the PRINCE2 manual had as well.  Daw interrupted.
‘So you’re saying that if we don’t analyse what we did on the last project, then our project to escape from gaol will most likely end up with us in gaol,’ he said, trying to follow the logic.  ‘But if we don’t start the “get out of gaol” project then we end up staying in gaol anyway,’ he added.  ‘Sounds like we need to start the project now.’


The characters, companies and places referred to in Project: Evil are fictitious and any resemblance to people, companies, businesses or places is entirely coincidental.

If you know someone who has a warped sense of humour please pass them the link to my blog so that they can enjoy 'Project: Evil'.

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