Ray Sullivan SciFi Zone: Project: Evil – The Site Progress Meeting part 1

Project: Evil – The Site Progress Meeting part 1

Brian surveyed the assembled group of leaders, managers, scientists, engineers, technicians, labourers, henchmen, pimps, tarts, low life scum and politicians. He never understood how they instinctively knew there was a photo opportunity, but there you go. Brian guessed O’Feld was itching to start the meeting. He was certainly scratching wildly.

‘How come there’s no insect repellent on the island?’ he moaned to Brian as he scratched furiously.

‘Froshdu ate the supply, thought they were a glaze for his pudding,’ he replied. He didn’t mention that Dodgy and Flakey had used the repellent, roasted with a chef’s blowtorch, to mask the flavour of the meal they’d prepared for Froshdu. It wasn’t that they were bad cooks; it was that once they’d bulked the meal up with spare tyres they needed something to cover the pervading taste of melted rubber. The EVIL Officer piped up.

‘I was going to drive over to the other side of the island where the emergency stores are kept, to get you some, but none of the Jeeps had tyres on them,’ he said, accusingly, adding, ‘and you can’t expect me to walk there with the prosthetic legs Brian procured for me.’ O’Feld looked at the metal-clad legs appreciatively: they looked state of the art technology which, given Brian’s ongoing dislike of the EVIL Officer, was looking suspiciously considerate, which was a disciplinary issue. Or just suspicious, which wasn’t.

‘What’s wrong with those legs?’ he asked, wondering if Brian could procure some for crocodiles.

‘Nothing,’ answered the EVIL Officer, demonstrating the naturalistic movements they provided. ‘Except he,’ he said, pointing at Brian, ‘has ringed the whole site with super electro-magnets, which, by the way, has overspent the budget by fifty percent,’ he accused. O’Feld held his hand out to the Head of Finance, who took off his underpants so that O’Feld could check the budget.

‘Have you washed these?’ he asked, wrinkling his nose up.

‘Of course, money laundering is company policy,’ replied the Head of Finance, pulling his trousers back up.

‘Recently?’ challenged O’Feld, holding the underpants at arm’s length.

‘I don’t think the policy states how frequently we have to launder money,’ interjected Daw, wanting to move the meeting forward. O’Feld studied the accounts carefully before throwing the underpants back at the Finance lead.

‘I’m sure Brian has a reason,’ he said, starting to look bored.

‘Basic security,’ replied Brian, looking for a report he’d received. O’Feld raised his eyebrows in understanding.

‘Ahh, to stop enemies bringing weapons into the compound. Very clever, Brian,’ he said. Brian looked up from the report.

‘Oh, that’s a good idea. I was more concerned about gypsies stealing the metal from the compound, apparently there’s been a rash of metal thefts around here,’ he answered.

‘On an uninhabited island, two hundred miles from civilization?’ challenged Daw. Brian looked at the Head of Facilities.

‘According to him, yes,’ he said, passing the report across to Daw, who flicked through it looking for the inevitable bar charts, avoiding having to read words like most senior managers. He turned to the Head of Facilities, who shrugged apologetically.

‘There’s been one hell of a spate of thefts in Basildon,’ he said by way of explanation, then adding, ‘which technically is the fallback location if this site doesn’t pan out.’ O’Feld screwed his face up.

‘Is that it? You’re concerned that we may get visited by a couple of pikeys? It sounds like Brian has a reasonable hold on the situation,’ he said to the EVIL Officer, who just glowered.

‘So, how am I supposed to get around with these legs and those magnets?’ he asked. O’Feld pondered this for a moment before answering.

‘Then Brian can turn them off, I can’t see us being at serious risk out here,’ he said, causing the Head of Facilities to look up.

‘I’d be very careful about that, these pikeys are very resourceful,’ he cautioned.

‘I’ll get the kebab guys to keep a sharp eye out for them,’ suggested Brian.

O’Feld seemed satisfied by this, so he turned back to the EVIL Officer.

‘So, magnets and a bit of an overspend? Do you have any real issues to bring to the table?’ he asked.

‘Well, I don’t see any sign of progress in the construction phase,’ he added. Brian sighed, groundworks always made projects look slow; it was only when the construction moved above ground that people started to notice how fast things were going. Or, more correctly, how slowly.

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